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To My Old, Deteriorating Belt: We Need To Talk

To My Old, Deteriorating Belt: We Need To Talk

Note: This article is written in the first person. Klik Belts does not generally publish content in the first person.

 

There was a time when you used to be there for me. There was only an hour before the wedding vows dropped, and I was shopping at Kohl’s in a pinch to complete my wedding day outfit. I desperately searched for a plain black belt that fit my waist to no avail, rifling through their sub-par selection in frustration. But then, there you were.

 

I didn’t think much of you at first. Initially, you were merely a means to fit in with the wedding party’s theme while holding up my slacks — and you did a great job doing it! The wedding was a total success, without any stylistic suspicion from the bride or her crazy, everything-needs-to-be-perfect mother.

 

Truly, everything was going well between us.

 

In the days following the wedding, I realized that I needed you more than I once thought. As I’m sure you remember quite well, my aging belt purchased from Zumiez back in 2007 had seen better days, and that’s a sore understatement. My pants no longer had a go-to support system, and I was sure that my peers would make fun of me for what could only be described as a “prominent” plumber’s crack.

 

With no other options than MacGyvering a flimsy, makeshift shoelace strap-belt,  I turned to you in my desperate time of need...and there you were. I proudly donned you around my waist, and sure enough, you gave my worn Levis the support that they deserved. Thus began the golden days.

 

Together, we laughed, we cried, and we did things that I didn’t know non-sentient objects were capable of. At one point, I thought you were just a magical belt that a confused wizard placed on the rack at Kohl’s, but perhaps I was losing my wits at that point.

 

It was at that point of questionable mental stability that I realized something eerily unsettling: I didn’t know any better.

 

I desperately began to search my memories to trace back to the moment when I initially donned you. I originally acquired you because I was in a tight situation; I had no intentions of buying a cheap belt (and yes, I’m going to use the word “cheap” because you know that’s an accurate descriptor). Perhaps it’s my fault for having no viable alternative once the wedding was over, or maybe I should have started opting for joggers or pants with a simple elastic waistline.

 

But I can’t undo the past. The only thing I can do at this point is recall the memories of pain, discomfort, and deterioration — memories I wish to repress, and memories that only my new best friend can help me sort through.

 

That’s right. I have a new best friend now. His name is Klik, and he treats me and my waist like we deserve to be treated. No longer does my belt poke or prod at my sides. No longer am I forced to choose a certain belt hole where the diameter is either too small or too big. No longer do I have to worry about my belt failing on me when I need it most, which is literally all of the time when I wear 90 percent of my pants.

 

 

I’ll admit, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out how you treated me over those years. I really shouldn’t have stuck around with you that long, subjecting my pants to sub-par support at best — and that’s putting it nicely.

 

So, not that you asked, but I’m doing better now. With Klik by my side and around my waist, I’m able to do the things I love without worrying about my pants falling down. I’m never worried about getting “pantsed” by my immature peers, and I’m never worried about finding the right belt hole because belt holes are so 1990s. It’s time to get with the program, and I’m glad I did. I can’t say the same for you.

 

Klik uses COBRA® Buckle technology, so I can always rely on my trusty pal to stay secure no matter what I’m doing. While Klik is made with ultra-durable materials, Klik is also surprisingly soft and lightweight, so my pants are never weighed down. My pantalone compadre is even strong enough to support holsters, and that’s more than you’ll ever be able to say. Best of all, thousands of pant wearers like me agree that belts like Klik are the best around.

 

I don’t want to come across as rude or overly harsh, but it’s important for you to know that I’ve moved on to a better belt experience. Thanks to Klik and Klik’s extended family of belts in a variety of tasteful colors designed for a variety of uses, people like me can finally live the life we’ve always wanted: with total support and waistline freedom. It’s what we deserve.

 

It’s not too late to change, though. Despite how you treated me and my waist, Klik and I see through those dark times and we forgive you, so long as you’re willing to change for the better. By learning more about Klik Belts and their legendary support and comfort, you too may one day be able to be the belt that every belt deserves to be. That’s all we ask of you.

 

Thank you for reading, old friend, and I hope to see you on the good side soon.

 

Your Former Wearer,

 

Mr. Pants

December 20, 2018 by Carson eCommerce Collaborator
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